Day 2 of class is over, and I managed to not unswallow my lunch while watching the birthing scenes. This was due solely to my ability to appear to be watching the videos when in reality I was trying to calculate how many square inches there are between the top of the screen and the ceiling. So I think I successful passed test 1 of impending fatherhood, as Rachel has tentatively agreed to let me in the room when Zia is born.
Rachel and I never really considered any hippie alternative birth scenarios, mainly because we embrace this strange concept called logic. For example, home births. If you are giving birth in your home and something goes wrong, where do they take you? The hospital. Case closed. But anyway, even if we weren't already completely sold on this modern witchcraft called "doctors" and "hospitals", last night's videos would have sealed the deal. One of the women giving birth hired a doula, which is Latin for "woman with unshaven pits that annoys the nurses and rubs your back when pregnant" and is pronounced "weyst of muhn-ee". Anyway, after the birth, the doula picks up the placenta, holds it up to the light, and shows everyone in the room while saying "isn't this cool?!?!?" No, that is disgusting. Please put down the afterbirth and stop talking.
There is a couple in our class that I have grown to dislike immensely in our short time together. I was starting to get annoyed a bit because regardless of what the instructor says, they have a question. This makes class even longer than it already is, and really, what confusion could their possibly be when the instructor says "we will take a 10 minute break. Be back in 10 minutes"????? But, yesterday, after 4 or 5 games worth of 20 questions, we learn that this guy is not only a doctor, but a doctor that delivers babies for a living. So this guy is either a really horrible doctor and knows less than the volunteer teacher at the community college, or he is asking questions he already knows the answer to. Either way, he has to go. Next class, I am calling for a vote for kicking these people out.
But there was one important thing that we did learn between Dr. Jack Ass's inane questions: it is recommended that mother and baby bond together for the first 80 minutes of the kids life. So although I was joking about the 5 day waiting period for people to hold our kid (ok, I wasn't joking but Rachel overruled me), there will in fact be an 80 minute waiting period. We are trying to figure out if we should just not tell people that labor has begun until 80 minutes after the kid is born, or tell everyone immediately and let the 2 Grandmas and Aunt Sandy maul each other in the waiting room.
And Zia is now the size of a head of lettuce!
Rachel and I never really considered any hippie alternative birth scenarios, mainly because we embrace this strange concept called logic. For example, home births. If you are giving birth in your home and something goes wrong, where do they take you? The hospital. Case closed. But anyway, even if we weren't already completely sold on this modern witchcraft called "doctors" and "hospitals", last night's videos would have sealed the deal. One of the women giving birth hired a doula, which is Latin for "woman with unshaven pits that annoys the nurses and rubs your back when pregnant" and is pronounced "weyst of muhn-ee". Anyway, after the birth, the doula picks up the placenta, holds it up to the light, and shows everyone in the room while saying "isn't this cool?!?!?" No, that is disgusting. Please put down the afterbirth and stop talking.
There is a couple in our class that I have grown to dislike immensely in our short time together. I was starting to get annoyed a bit because regardless of what the instructor says, they have a question. This makes class even longer than it already is, and really, what confusion could their possibly be when the instructor says "we will take a 10 minute break. Be back in 10 minutes"????? But, yesterday, after 4 or 5 games worth of 20 questions, we learn that this guy is not only a doctor, but a doctor that delivers babies for a living. So this guy is either a really horrible doctor and knows less than the volunteer teacher at the community college, or he is asking questions he already knows the answer to. Either way, he has to go. Next class, I am calling for a vote for kicking these people out.
But there was one important thing that we did learn between Dr. Jack Ass's inane questions: it is recommended that mother and baby bond together for the first 80 minutes of the kids life. So although I was joking about the 5 day waiting period for people to hold our kid (ok, I wasn't joking but Rachel overruled me), there will in fact be an 80 minute waiting period. We are trying to figure out if we should just not tell people that labor has begun until 80 minutes after the kid is born, or tell everyone immediately and let the 2 Grandmas and Aunt Sandy maul each other in the waiting room.
And Zia is now the size of a head of lettuce!
I had 2 baby class flashbacks after reading this... 1. Our instructor played a video of Bill Cosby’s stand-up comedy routine (circa 1984) before our birthing video. He talks about his experience in Lamaze class and the birth. I hope you see it. Its worth a YouTube search. 2. Second flashback involved a bunch of pregnant women getting on the same elevator after leaving class. The only time I’ve been petrified of elevator weight limits.
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