Ladies, ladies, ladies, you know I love you, but you are insane. All of you. The “shower” thing has gotten out of control. I was hoping this weekend to spend a little QT with Rachel, since I haven’t gotten to hang out too much lately, but of course the weekend is dominated by showers. Wedding shower today, baby shower tomorrow. And we know at least 8 other people expecting a kid and two more upcoming weddings. So that means that at a minimum, on 10 of our weekend days before Zia comes in twenty weeks, Rachel will have to go to a shower, while I am forced to take one for the team and nap, read, and watch sports. (This count of 10 assumes that none of my currently non-pregnant cousins will get pregnant in the next 5 minutes, which is like assuming the sun won’t rise tomorrow.) And that is not even counting Zia’s shower, which of course will break the mold and be the most fun thing ever so be sure to come and bring lots of expensive gifts.
And it seems like if by some miracle there is not a shower to be had, one of Rachel’s friends will have a candle party. The candle parties are impressive because I’m fairly certain no one has ever wanted to go to one, yet they continue to happen. Candle parties seem like a really dangerous way for the “host” to get $15 in free crap. I just wish you ladies were more honest in your invitations: “Hello friends, please come to my house for some high pressure sales tactics which we try to mask by a glass of free wine. I will guilt you into buying a $45 candle that costs $15 at a normal store and is really worth $2 so I myself can snake a similar free, overpriced candle. All I need to do is clean my house, pick up a veggie tray from Giant Eagle, and hope you don’t end up hating me for guilting you in to coming. But I value our friendship so little that I am willing to take this chance of alienating you because this vanilla scented candle means oh so much to me!”
I guess I shouldn’t complain, because obviously Rachel is the one with no free time due to these showers. Maybe these things are fun for women, I have no idea, but it just seems a bit excessive to me. I mean, I work with people who take actual showers less often than Rachel is at a shower for someone. And I have heard complaints before from women about the fact that they have to buy yet another present just because someone else had sex. But I will say this, if any of our friends invites me to a couples shower, we are no longer friends. No hard feelings, it’s just time that I start seeing other friends. Friends where the guy has retrieved his testicles from the mason jar in the garage and told his wife in no uncertain terms that he is not having a couples shower because his friends will hate him.
I spent my Sat at the worst shower ever. Seriously, I am 33 so playing pin the bottle on the paper baby while blindfolded is just not fun. My theory on why women don't come to agreement to just mail gifts so everyone can have their weekends back is that we actually don't like each other. There can be no other explanation.
ReplyDeleteJamming pins into a baby replica doesn't seem like the best thing for expectant mothers to be practicing. Was there at least candy bars smashed into diapers and passed around for all to smell? Cause that is classy!
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