Things Actually Said in Breastfeeding Class

So breastfeeding class is over, meaning we are now done with all classes and apparently ready to raise a kid.  I'm not sure if we just had a really bad teacher or what, but this class was pretty awful from start to finish.  Roughly 75% of the time was product placement ("We recommend Ameda breast pumps", "Did you know you can purchase your very own Ameda breast pump for 10% off if you buy today?" and "Ameda breast pumps have been clinically proven to cure rickets"), 15% of the time was spent passing around nipple shields, nursing bras and ointments of various color, and the remaining 10% of the time was spent watching really detailed animations of how the Adema breast pumps work and why they are superior to all other pumps. I always thought that the actual birth would be the biggest strain on Rachel's body, but after seeing those videos I thank my lucky stars that I am unable to lactate.  Never knew nipples were so elastic!

(Also, was it racist that when passing out baby dolls to each mother-to-be, the teacher made a special trip to the baby closet to ensure that the one black couple in class got a black doll?  I say yes.)

I think the real problem is that you can learn as much as possible about breastfeeding in a classroom environment in about 6 minutes, yet the class was extended out to 2.5 hours (literally) to justify the enrollment fee.  This caused the teacher to tell random stories about her personal life unrelated to breastfeeding and generally babble aimlessly.  And even when she actually attempted to talk about breastfeeding, she would say confusing things like "Grab your your breast like you would a sandwich" and "be sure to position your child to the southwest quadrant."

So really, we're just hoping that instincts kick in, because I feel even less prepared for breastfeeding than I did before class.