The Rule of 7

It's hard to believe, but I actually have learned something.  I've learned that I have some strange disease where I always say stupid things.  It stinks because I don't even mean 95% of what I say.  Yet time and time again I am blurting out dumb jokes, mean comments, or inappropriate stories.  I can't stop it.  And the worst part is that I think everyone knows this about me.  Yet I'll find myself time and time again shocked that someone believed something I said.  (Like the time I convinced Jess that someone habitually poops the bed after drinking wine...)

I have found a way to temper this though, and it's called the "rule of 7".  Basically, I just need to not verbalize the first 7 things that come to mind at any point in time.  The rule of 7 has really kept me out of some sticky situations, although it's not perfect.  The one downfall of the rule of 7 is explaining the awkward silence while I am staring off into space and moving my lips slightly like a trout out of water while mentally crossing off thoughts 1- 7.  But sometimes its better for people to think you are a little slow mentally then to have to explain why you just asked the doctor if you can have an epidural too.
 
So when Rachel woke me up to tell me that she was pregnant, I definitely needed to employ the rule of 7.  But in the interest of fairness, here was the first 7 things that were skipped (and remember, I don't even mean any of these things):

Rachel: I'm pregnant
Me (mentally): 
1) We better have a lot of sex now before you get too fat
2) Awesome, designated driver for 9 months!
3) Are you sure it's yours?
4) So while you're pregnant, your boobs are going to get bigger, right?
5) Oh man, if it's a girl she better not start dating until she's 30.  In fact, let's try and make her a lesbian.  You buy an Indigo Girls cd and I'll sign her up for softball
6) It's a really good thing I went to Amsterdam last year, because my fun is over!
7) This would be a much more romantic moment if we both didn't have morning breath.

8) (verbally) "wow, sorry I haven't said anything for a while, I'm just so happy I can't put it into words."

The rule of 7.  Learn it.  Live it.  Love it.