Where My Monks At?

Last night, we decided it has been way too long since we heard incessant coughing and were surround by the sweet smell of moth balls, so we went to church this morning.  Not sure how it happens, but every single time I go to church, I'm always sitting directly in front of the lady with the highest falsetto voice and the most enthusiasm.  Look lady, I'm sorry that your Broadway dreams never worked out, but judging by your choice in hats, it must have been over 50 years ago, so you really need to give up the dream and sing with a bit of modesty.

Other than the crowd, the mass wasn't that bad.  So what if the guy playing the organ had the rhythm of a drunken manatee?  The priest really had a good homily, with a zinger of a metaphor about a pay phone.  Really reached out to the youngsters on that one. We also learned that the church is trying to raise $100,000 for new stained glass windows to replace what appear to be completely functioning stained glass windows.  Then we heard how the poor of our community are in need, and our faith requires that we do everything we can to help them.  So I said we should keep the current stained glass windows and take all the money that was already raised, as well as whatever money we could get by selling the floor-to-ceiling marble that runs the length of the church, and sell all the gold cups, bowls, plaques, etc. and give all of that money to the poor, because I'm pretty sure God would be ok with drywall and plastic cups, especially if we used the money to help the poor, because after all, it is required by our faith.  But apparently it wasn't suggestion time... Anyone want to buy a raffle ticket to help raise money for new stained glass windows?

(And for those with Celiac disease, watch out, Jesus is made of gluten.)

But anyway, after living here for 5 years, and despite what our tax return says, we are officially registered with the church now (and have the eco-friendly tote-bag from the 'Welcoming Committee' to prove it), so Zia will at least be able to be baptized.  We are also currently accepting God Parent applications.  Please submit your application, biography, and $75 application fee at the earliest convenience.

And I know some of you may be shocked that someone actually thinks the church has a hard time relating to the youth, and you are right, I was completely wrong.  My comment about the pay phone was out of line.  While filling out forms to register with the church, I saw the following picture:  

This has EVERYTHING kids are interested in today: a psychedelic tie-dye Spirograph design, polite hygiene commands, AND Dr Phil.  Never mind the fact that this picture was no where near a sink, it clearly shows that the church knows what is hip and happening.